Why Sirius Isn't Allowed to Babysit
by Akozu Heiwa
Summary: When Sirius and Remus babysit Harry, only the worst can come of it. Add that to spoken slip-ups, innocent repetitions, and angry mothers, and you get one heck of a night!


"We can handle it, you said. He's just a _baby_, you said. He can't do any harm, you said. Well, let me tell you: _THIS_ classifies as harm!" Remus gestured angrily around the living room of James and Lily's house. Sirius winced. The wall by the door was completely colored by red and blue crayons. A bowl of Spaghetti-O's laid upside-down a few feet away. A coloring book was almost completely torn in half. The blanket off the couch was strewn across the floor and covered in milk. A bottle of juice laid spilled on the floor. A path of Cheerios and muddy footprints led to a giggling toddler on the back of the couch, reaching for a golden Snitch with his muddy fingers. Sirius's hair was sky blue, his face dripping with milk, and his shirt covered in thrown Spaghetti-O's. Remus's hair was neon pink, his shirt stained with apple juice, and a livid bruise forming on his cheek from a thrown Sippy-cup. And this was just the living room.

"How was I supposed to know that Harry is a devil child?" Sirius spluttered. Harry squealed delightedly as he grabbed the Snitch and proceeded to fall off the back of the couch.

"Pa'foo, Sish!" Harry gurgled, crawling around the couch, and holding up his tiny little fist. "Moomy, Kiddish, Kiddish!"

"Yes, Quidditch," Remus replied dryly, before turning to Sirius. "How can a one-year-old cause so much trouble in an hour?"

"Devil spawn!" Sirius declared, as Harry tugged on his jeans with his muddy hands. "What, Prongslet?"

"Pa'foo, Mumma?"

"Mumma's on a date with Dadda, Prongslet," Sirius explained. Remus rolled my eyes. "Probably snogging her right now- ow! Bloody heck, Moony! Ow!"

"Boody hek," Harry repeated happily. Remus groaned, and punched Sirius again. "Boody hek, Pa'foo."

"Oh, no, no, no, Prongslet!" Sirius cried, panicking. "Don't say that in front of Mumma, okay. Dang, Moony, we are _screwed_."

"Moomy, we scewed," Harry giggled. Sirius's eyes widened comically, and he shook his head desperately. "Boody hek, Pa'foo, we scewed!"

"Lily's going to murder me!" Sirius moaned. His distressed expression was actually rather comical, with the milk dripping down his face and Harry laughing gleefully.

"Yes, she is," Remus snickered. "And, since I didn't teach him that, and I'm just a witness, I'll be perfectly fine."

"Pa'foo scewed!" Harry exclaimed merrily. Remus sniggered, and nodded, as Sirius buried his milk-covered face in his hands. "Bad Pa'foo!"

"Moony, Padfoot, we're home- what in the world!?" Remus grinned evilly as James's voice carried into the living room. "What the heck happened?"

"In here," Remus called. "Your son is evil!"

Lily and James came rushing in, staring in horror around the room.

"Boody hek, Pa'foo, we scewed," Harry declared, waving at his mother. "Hi, Mumma."

"You have ten seconds to run, Sirius Black," Lily growled. Sirius blanched and then took off, Lily on his tail. "SIRIUS BLACK, HOW DARE YOU TEACH MY BABY TO SAY THAT! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO RIP YOU IN HALF! YOU ARE SUCH A HALF-WITTED, BLOODY FREAKING IDIOT, SIRIUS BLACK!"

"Pa'foo boody feakeen idot?" Harry asked innocently, looking up at James and Remus. Remus snickered, and James nodded absentmindedly. "Feakeen idot, Pa'foo."

"That's right, kiddo," Remus grinned, bending down and ruffling his hair. "Padfoot's a bloody freaking idiot."

"AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE, ARROGANT GIT!" Lily's rant continued. "CORRUPTING MY SON! I _DARE_ YOU TO FACE ME, YOU PRAT!"

"Pa'foo git?" Harry asked again. A small grin was growing on James's face as he nodded, and Remus was full out laughing. "Pa'foo pat?"

"Yep, Padfoot is a bloody freaking idiot, a git, and a prat," Remus confirmed between gasps of laughter. "Ooh, Lily is so going to murder him."

"Pa'foo scewed."

"Yep," James nodded. "Padfoot's screwed."

**A/N: Okay, just a funny story I thought of. I could see Sirius saying something stupid, Harry repeating it, Lily exploding at Padfoot, and Moony just sitting there laughing… Ah, I love the Marauders.**


End file.
